This is the second Holly Bourne book I have read and she is quickly becoming one of my favourite authors. Warning; hard content matter that is difficult to read! But if you like some awesome girl friends and a super anxious story line to make you cringe at times (and can handle the roughness of the subject matter) then this book is 100% for you!
Pretending by Holly Bourne follows a similar theme to 'How Do You Like Me Now?' (i'm slowly working my way through her books!). Holly states girls' lives as they are, warts and all: periods, dating hell, body issues, relationships and all that comes with living life as a female. She says the things we feel we cannot say out loud and I love her for it! She is so frank with her words and I can relate so much to everything she says, as i'm sure others can agree. Second warning; there are some choice swear words within this book. I also didn't mind them showing up however I know some are not keen so there is your warning.
Pretending follows April through work and dating life after a very traumatic experience with an ex boyfriend. She is a little (a lot) broken from this and therefore her trust levels are understandably incredibly low. She quickly realises that boys do NOT want to hear her sob story, her work troubles or learn that she may need to take things slowly/differently and she hates them for making her feel this way when ultimately it's their fault she is like this! So why does she still want a relationship with one so badly?! She wishes she were more like Gretal, a girl who has no emotional baggage, understands what men want and wants exactly the same things while knowing exactly what to say and how to act in every situation. So what is the harm in pretending to be like Gretal?
Honestly, I struggled with the Gretal character throughout. It just felt too far fetched and ridiculous, surely no girl would get herself in this situation?! But the more I read the more I realised, while this is clearly for dramatic value and would make an awesome film, aside from the name itself I do not know a single girl who hasn't tried to be more Gretal on a few first dates. Or in fact any girl who seemingly has it all figured out. I felt bad judging the situation at face value, when actually it's probably more accurate to real life than any other rom com I have seen! But in my opinion Gretal is a dick. She says her opinions on situations so matter of factly like queen of the universe so I refused to like her knowing how hard other girls have it... Reminder - Gretal is not real!!
The beginning of the book was a little jarring. A whole chapter on men bashing! And ok some of it was probably accurate(!) and some of it definitely made me chuckle. But a lot of it was very generalised and I found myself disagreeing with a lot that was said or at least seeing the exaggeration behind it. While I know this is the point the book is trying to make I still struggled reading all of the hate on an entire gender, when I know there are good men out there.
Ok, first warning explanation: this book is hard hitting and can make you feel vulnerable and emotional because it covers rape, abuse and explains in detail the mind of someone affected by this and a little about the moment itself. Yep, I told you it was a hard subject. It is a running theme and at times it truly is hard to read. There were chapters where I felt like I was in the mind of a victim of this abuse and it was horrid. To feel what they must feel every day but also to see the triggers and how thoughts spiral one after another... Heartbreaking. This book teaches to embrace these scars, yes it hurts and there will be dark days, but you can be strong and your girls are here with you every step of the way, because so many know how you feel.
It did open up a conversation with my boyfriend. I asked him if he ever felt concerned he could be attacked or physically abused when he walked out the door, or even at home. His answer was never. Never has it even crossed his mind. I also asked him how he feels about being a man who is clearly stronger than me and has the power to control any situation when we are alone, or indeed with any other female he comes into contact with. Thinking from this angle he said he was aware of this fact. He understood how a girl could be scared to be alone in a lift, on a bus or even in your own home knowing that the man in her company has so much power to control. This man could be the kindest man on the planet, but the power is still there. I am lucky I have a good one, but this book really made me think about the situation women are constantly put in, and how most women I know can say they have had something happen to them in their lifetime. Even a small incident is enough and apparently there are few of us who have not been exposed to this.
Through all the pain this book shares I promise I wasn't crying the entire way through and ending up hating all men! It serves as a reminder that yes girls you need to be careful, more so than men it may seem, but with an amazing support network you can get through anything. And while some men are beyond salvation and others are completely hopeless, you see that you can live with them checking their phone during a wedding ceremony, or not washing up the dishes when they say they would. It teaches that no body is perfect, so don't pretend to be an ideal of perfect, be you and be proud of that and the right people will love you in spite of your hangups. And this is why I give this book 5 stars 💕
Pretending by Holly Bourne
Pages - 438
Goodreads Rating - ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
